Hi Reader,
Last month, I had several conversations with business owners and leaders that revealed a troubling pattern. In one instance, an employee pushed back on constructive feedback, claiming they felt "singled out." For another, a client questioned their protocols and suggested they were being "unfair."
In these moments, something shifted in these leaders—suddenly, they weren't just delivering necessary feedback or upholding important standards. They were defending themselves, seeking validation, and compromising their leadership in the process.
The Fundamental Misunderstanding
Here's what many business owners forget: your employees didn't apply to work for you because they were drawn to your personality, and your clients didn't hire you because they wanted to be your friend.
They chose you for practical reasons—skills, opportunities, services, compensation, or solutions that align with their needs and goals.
Yet when it comes time to enforce protocols or provide feedback, many leaders act as if they need to re-prove their worth. They seek validation, asking themselves: "Do they still think I'm a good boss? Do they believe I'm fair? Am I coming across as reasonable?"
This mindset fundamentally misunderstands your role and their expectations.
The Real Cost
When you prioritize being liked over being consistent, you actually diminish the value you provide and become the bottleneck in your own business.
- Employees lose clarity about expectations and standards
- Clients receive inconsistent service
- The very reasons they chose you (reliability, expertise, clear systems) begin to erode
What you think preserves relationships often damages them by creating confusion and inequity.
The Reframe That Changes Everything
Your obligation as a business owner isn't to continuously prove your worth—it's to consistently deliver the value proposition that attracted them to you in the first place.
When you enforce processes or provide feedback, you're not trying to demonstrate that you're an effective boss or service provider. You're clarifying how your business operates so they can engage with you most effectively and realize the full benefit of working with you or being your client.
This reframe changes everything:
- Feedback becomes a tool for optimization, not a test of your likability
- Policy enforcement becomes a way to maintain the standards that create value
- Relationships become stronger because they're built on mutual respect and clear value exchange
Questions to Ask Yourself
When you find yourself seeking approval instead of delivering value:
- What specific value am I here to provide, and how do my current standards support that?
- What did they originally choose me for, and am I still delivering that consistently?
- Am I helping them succeed within our agreed-upon framework, or am I changing the framework to avoid conflict?
The Bottom Line
Your employees and clients chose you for a reason. Your job isn't to keep proving you were worthy of that choice—it's to consistently deliver on the promise that attracted them to you in the first place.
The irony is that when you stop seeking validation, you often earn more genuine respect. People trust leaders who are consistent, clear, and focused on shared success rather than personal popularity.
Read the full article here for practical strategies and specific questions to help you start to make this shift.
Want to explore how coaching can help you through this process? Click below to book a complimentary Discovery Call, and let’s create a roadmap for more clear and consistent leadership.
As always, please feel free to reply directly to this email with any questions, suggestions, or topics that you'd like to see covered in subsequent issues.
See you next month!
Cheers,
Anais
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"People don't buy what you do; they buy why you do it." - Simon Sinek
